The Thing I Fear

Now when all the people saw the thunder and the flashes of lightning and the sound of the trumpet and the mountain smoking, the people were afraid and trembled, and they stood far off and said to Moses, “You speak to us, and we will listen; but do not let God speak to us, lest we die.” Moses said to the people, “Do not fear, for God has come to test you, that the fear of him may be before you, that you may not sin.”  The people stood far off, while Moses drew near to the a thick darkness where God was.  ----- Exodus 20:18 - 21 

Fear. In many circles today, it is a word to issue when one disagrees with another. Rather than accepting the point of disagreement, response becomes an accusation: Fear! It seems that disagreement does not mean a difference of opinions; it means fear--specifically a fear of change.

Of course, there is some truth to the charge...change is frightening. It means a disruption to the usual.  Change means adapting to the unusual.  And it is the unusual, the out-of-the-norm that we fear.

Take, for an example, a visit from an angel. That's out of the ordinary.  And throughout Scripture, such visits illicit fear. Mary and Zachariah each experienced fear in the presence of Gabriel.  This is because angel appearances are unconventional, out-of-the-ordinary....unusual.

The verses from Exodus 20 paint a fearful picture: thunder, lightening, smoking mountain, and a trumpet sound.  Thunder and lightening are common enough (well, common enough to our experiences; were they unusual to people who had lived in Egypt?), but  to see a mountain on fire and hear the blare of a trumpet...all these things happening at once...it must have been a terrifying scene.

For the Hebrew slaves, having experienced the miracles of the ten plagues, the possibility that this Mighty God would speak to them was unusual...frightening. It could only mean their certain death.  I smile...how silly...the God who desires relationship with his people would not strike them dead in conversation. Though this fear was a healthy sign--such reverence would keep the people from sinning--conversation with God was not to be feared.

Then why do I fear it?  Why is prayer so difficult for me? Why when I sit down w/devotions or sermon prep, why when I feel the nudge to quiet myself and begin w/prayer...why is it so difficult to actually do it? It's not the fear of death the Hebrews had. My fear does not show that degree of reverence; in fact, I think it shows a more casual attitude toward Almighty God. My fear is a self-centered fear: a fear of failure...I won't do it right...I won't please God w/my prayers...therefore, I won't get what I want. I lack obedience because I know God on the New Covenant level. I know the forgiveness, the grace. Yet, when I take advantage of that grace and decide that God will forgive me if I willfully choose disobedience over His nudge to pray...then I lack the reverence, the fear, that will keep me from sinning. I will disregard (grieve) the Holy Spirit who keeps those nudges coming...to keep me from sinning.

Oh, Lord, please do not put out the light of your Holy Spirit. I thank you for every call He gives, whenever I feel like going off on my own:  nudges to pick up the phone and make a call, nudges to stick w/my writing and not give in to distractions, and especially nudges to sit quietly and enjoy your presence, dear God. Thank you for shining light on my darkness, on the self-centeredness, that fills me with foolish fears.  All praise and glory, all reverence belongs to you Father God Almighty. Amens

Rescue Me

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 

----- 1 CORINTHIANS 1:3 - 4

This is a very favorite passage. It gives me an answer for suffering, for why God allows tragedy in our lives.  Yes, God could easily step into the situations of our lives and prevent the tragedies  and heartache.  But He doesn't...not always.  We need to be remember that we aren't even aware of tragedy that God has kept from us. Yet, some does enter our lives. Why? Why is God okay with our heartbreak, loneliness, rejection, abandonment, and loss?

Could it be that God is more interested in redeeming our miseries and misfortunes than in giving us a rescue, a way out?

I am reminded that this is God's nature. He does rescue, but it is His nature to redeem, to buy back, that which was taken from Him. It is in suffering that we are more likely to know our need for Him.

There is a story of a drowning man who recognized His need for God--that only God could rescue him.  "God, if you save me, everything, all that I am, is yours. I will give myself totally to you." Suddenly the man felt stronger.  Hope filled him. He paddled a little further, then promised, "God, maybe I don't have to give you everything. But I promise I will give to the church if you save me." The man felt a pull to the shore; drowning did not seem to be his only outcome.  "Maybe you don't need my money, God.  If you save me maybe I'll just come to church," he said. "Uh," he added, "when I can get there." The man felt sand under his feet. As he walked toward the shore, he declared, "I made it. I thought I was a goner, but I stayed with it. I'm just lucky I'm a strong swimmer."

God rescued the man in this story...but it made no difference in how the man lived his life.  Despite promises to give everything to God--to give money, to go to church, once the man was safely ashore--despite it all, he forgot that God had rescued him.  He never followed through on a single promise made in the dire moments when his life was on the line.

The man was saved, yet he remains adrift.  He is lost.  He is not, however, beyond the reach of the Father.  God will save him, but salvation will accompany pain and suffering because this is what is redeemed.  The struggle, anguish, the heartache are bought by God because once He owns them, He can make them new...and good.  Only until we experience tragedy will we know our need for God.  Being rescued won't clarify the need. Being redeemed will validate it.

But even after redeeming the tragedy, God isn't done with us.  He then blesses us with others who need our comfort.  Because of the misery we've suffered, because of our trust that God will redeem it and make something new, God will place people in our lives who need the comfort of our experience.  Our suffering will be used to help someone else get through their own time of suffering.  If God stepped in to rescue, someone might miss the blessing of the comfort we are able to provide.  It is only in this that we can give thanks for our heartbreak.

Covered with Love

15 What then?  Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! 16 Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17 But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, 18 and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness. ----- Romans 6:15 - 18

Philip Yancey calls it grace abuse: taking God's forgiving grace for granted, and forging ahead according to my own plans and desires.  Grace abuse is continuing to live as a slave to sin, "trusting" God's grace to bail me out. This is what cheapens grace. And it's effects are damaging to the Kingdom of God.

God's grace does indeed cover me. He has lavished me with forgiveness. In this same letter to the church in Rome, Paul reminds me that there is nothing in this world or in the spiritual realm that will ever come between me and God's grace.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord -----Romans 8:38 - 39

This is such an awesome promise to take hold of, to put my trust in: there will never be a distance, a gap...a breath...between me and God's love.  Nothing will come between me and His love! That's a promise on which to build my faith. It surrounds me.  NO, it covers me.  I belong to Him, and He will never abandon me.  Because of that, don't I owe Him everything? Because I will always have the support of the One, True God, the Almighty and Eternal, should I not surrender all that I have, all that I am, to Him? Is there even such a thing as "my" will when considering all that I have in Christ Jesus?

Yes, there is. I still have the ability to choose to go my own way--to sin--or to choose obedience. This great God has not covered me with an encumbering, robotic conformity. Instead He has entrusted to me willful obedience. I have the ability to choose His ways. And when I surrender my self-centered desires and ambitions--when I choose to obey the ways of God--I choose to love Him. Obeying God is my greatest act of love. It means I trust His outcomes. I hold His promises with deepest faith.  The grace of God is with me through whatever I encounter. And I honor that grace when I choose to obey. That is slavery I can accept.

Nighttime Wrestling

24 And Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day. 25 When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket, and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. 26 Then he said, “Let me go, for

the day has broken.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”  27 And he said to him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.”  28 Then he said, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed.

 

Before Jacob met up with his brother, a reunion coming after a 20-year separation, following a painful and life-threatening parting...before the brothers met up again, Jacob needed some time for reflection and repentance. He needed to take stock of his life and make some decisions before he re-entered his homeland...the land that had been entrusted to him. Jacob needed to face who He was and who God was in his life.

This account reminds us that God is with us in our times of reflection and self-disclosure. In fact, it is God who draws us to such moments. Jacob knew it was time to return home. He knew it was time to face his estranged family. God was nudging these decisions, but He wouldn't let Jacob go until Jacob acknowledged the deceptions he had inflicted on his family.

Sometimes we know the right (the righteous) thing to do, but we resist.

• It may mean giving up something we have "earned," something we treasure. Jacob was ready to turn over flocks and herds in order to appease his brother.
• It may mean admitting we were wrong. Jacob bowed seven times before approaching his brother, humbling himself, acknowledging an unworthiness before Esau.
• It may mean giving our life. Jacob was ready to meet his brother, remembering Esau's anger against him, not knowing whether 20 years apart had soothed the murderous rage. Jacob was ready to meet his brother Esau, to settle the past between them...even if that meeting cost him his life.

But during the dark and lonely night, Jacob gained something new. In the struggle of the night, Jacob faced up to the person he really was. Jacob struggled against the deceiver he had been and the peacemaker he wanted to be. This time of wrestling and struggle with God was a time of confession and repentance. It was a time before God when Jacob acknowledged the deeds of his life and their consequences. He squared off against God...and came away changed. Jacob left that battle with a permanent limp...and a new identity. No longer was he Jacob the Deceiver. Now he was Israel, who had wrestled with God (and mankind)...and overcome. He had not defeated God in the struggle--he had lived through it. He could now face his brother, even with the possibility of death, because he had been through a greater struggle. 

 

God calls us to the dark, lonely times when we must face who we really are...those lonely, sleepless nights that sap our strength and hope. If we give in and acknowledge our deeds, we find God's mercy and forgiveness. We walk away from the encounter changed. If we continue in the battle, God will intervene with something that causes us to let up. Will His intervention bring us to the moment He longs for...the moment of confession and repentance? That remains in our will, but the battle will go on. 

 

I've had my battles. Years of insomnia were sleepless nights of wrestling with what I had done in my life. There was no peace. God called me to do the right (the righteous) thing, but in my pride, I could not confess my sin. The insomnia continued. It continued after my confession until I could accept Jesus' forgiveness. It continued after knowing I'd been forgiven. I suffered with the wrestling in literal insomnia until I could forgive myself. And once Jesus showed me how that could happen, I've had years of nighttime peace.  

 

It was difficult to accept who I really was--a sinner. It's so much easier to deny sinfulness, or re-write what sin is. But then come the sleepless nights when the unconscious mind tries to reconcile the voice of the conscious. Accepting sin as God defines it leads to confession, which leads to repentance...the healing of deep wounds begins. It begins, and continues today. The road to healing is a road of many miles and I have not completed the journey. But thanks be to God! I don't walk them alone. Jesus, my shepherd, walks them with me.

 

Remembering Where I've Been

13 But they soon forgot his works; they did not wait for his counsel.  14 But they had a wanton craving in the wilderness, and put God to the test in the desert; 15 he gave them what they asked, but sent a wasting disease among them. ----- Psalm 106:13 - 15

 

What happens when we forget to look to God, and instead fill up with other things?

When I neglect the relationship--when I decide I don't have time to read Scripture or seek my Father in prayer--it becomes easier for me to forget the great things that God has done in my life. When I choose to give myself to activities of distraction (shopping, eating) or of modern life (watching television, time on the computer) instead of giving that time to God, I put Him at a convenient distance. It's like I say, I'll deal with Him some other time, sometime soon when I feel up to it. When I put the relationship on hold for other things, God is not my centerpoint. And those wonderful experiences of Him stepping into my life become nostalgic memories.

It becomes easier to go ahead with my own plans when I neglect the relationship. And when my plans don't work out, how easy it is to then go to God and tell Him how I expect Him to make the situation work for me. God does sometimes give me what I want. And how often do I then get MORE than I've asked for...more headaches, more disappointment, more frustration...?

When I'm giving to the relationship--spending time in God's Word, praying, putting the relationship into action--that is when I remember. How easily I recall that Christ wooed me, calling me out of the darkness of self-hatred, healing the deep wounds, assuring me that I am His beloved. I remember where I was...and see so clearly where I am today. When I remember where I was, when I take stock of where I am today compared to those dark days not so very long ago, why would I ever choose to go off without Him?

Well, maybe it's not a choice. Perhaps it's simply the outcome of neglecting the relationship. Because when I am consciously aware of what once was, I immediately give God thanks! Remembering the past brings the automatic, I-can't-help-myself love response of praise. And with that, I'm attending to the relationship.

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Dead Is Dead

I have joined Christ in death. My baptism--even my infant baptism--united me to Christ. I share in His death to sin. Having joined Christ in death, I also joined Him in the grave. AND I joined him in the resurrection. I also have been raised to new life. I have new life in Christ Jesus where sin has no power, because it is dead.

Joanna Weaver gives a rather funny illustration of this truth in her devotional At the Feet of Jesus:

...you can't tempt a dead person--or make one afraid. Go ahead and try. Prop him up in a corner and parade beautiful women past him, and he won't even steal a glance (pg 297).

Dead is dead. Our society of violence, promoted through the various media, blurs the reality of death. We get away from the fact that death is final. There is no coming back, no return to normal.

And so it is with sin. It is dead. Jesus put it to death. And that is final. Being baptized to new life in Christ Jesus, sin no longer has rule over our lives.

Yet we live as if we are helpless. We allow sin to victimize us. We continue on in our self-centered passions, not because sin has power over us. We continue in sin because we want to. And we turn to the grace of God to pull us out of the situations we find ourselves in because of the consequence of sin. Yet that same grace of God is there before we choose to sin. We could choose to trust in God for escape before we sin.

By the grace of God we are dead to sin and it's powerful hold. Oh, that we would grab onto that grace before we choose the path of sin.

Lord Jesus, your precious death freed me from the grip of sin. I know I have joined you in that death. I know I have experienced the dank, dark solitude of the grave. I know I have new life that pulls me from trauma and damage when I rely on your grace in times of temptation. Oh, thank you for that grace...amazing grace. Please keep me from abusing it, from taking it for granted. Amen

 

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Reject This

GENESIS 4:5b - 7

5...So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. 6 The LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? 7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.

 

I understand how Cain felt. His offering to God was not accepted, while his brother's was. Cain's was rejected; Abel's accepted. And Cain made the leap that I often make: the offering was rejected, therefore he was rejected. My work, words, or outreach are rejected; I am therefore rejected. But the Scriptures provide the key to this dilemma; the truth of the rejection is found in God's word.

Verse 3 describes Cain's sacrifice as an offering of the fruit of the ground. Pretty nondescript. But verse 4 goes into much detail about Abel's offering. It was from the first born of the flock and it was the fat portion of the animal. Abel's sacrifice cost him much: the first offspring of his ewes. We don't sense that Cain brought such a costly offering. He didn't bring God the finest grain. Or perhaps he brought God what was left over after he sold the crop and paid his bills. Whatever the circumstances, Cain made sure he was taken care of and then made his offering to God. And that offering was rejected. Cain was not rejected; but his offering and his attitude toward it was. He had not made a pleasing offering to the Lord. And God would not accept what he offered. Cain became angry...even knowing he had not given his best. And his anger was apparent to God.

Yet, in His mercy, God attempts to correct Cain. Don't let the anger get the best of you, He says. Do what you know is right and you will be accepted; let anger rule your emotions and sin is waiting to trip you up.

Isn't this so true? We know we haven't done or given our best and we get angry when it's rejected. When I haven't given a friend what she needs and she seeks out someone else. When I haven't put in enough time or practice on a sermon and no one seems to get it. When I haven't prayed before a meeting and there seems to be chaos. In these situations I feel rejected and I become angry. God's word is clear: if I give my best it will be accepted.

But of course this scripture speaks of what I offer to God. So often what I offer is presented to humans beings. Sin is crouching at their doors, waiting to enter. I cannot control their responses to that. And what I offer, presented to human beings will be rejected. How I have let this rejection anger me. How I have allowed sin to therefore enter and spoil relationships.

And the mercy that God offered to Cain is available to me. He reminds me to do my best, to offer the best. HE will accept my best offerings. Rejection of what I have to offer is not rejection of me, because HE has accepted me. Sin does not have to have entry into my home/dwelling.

Thank you, Father, for accepting me. How you deserve the best I have to offer in everything I do: my work, my family, my time with you. Thank you for reminding me to give the best...and then to know that it is accepted...by you. Thank you, good and gracious Father.

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